Two Times

For a person like me, love just needs to be careful.
I hate to see people think I like the hard way to get such true love.
But, this world has showed me it's no longer there.
True love for me.
It's just a play of understanding, knowing, and then get along.
Nothing further.
No one told me it's my fault to keep that perspective too long.
Until, everything just passing by and keep going by.
And me, left behind.
Getting hurt and hurting back by mistake or on purpose.

Love supposed to be clumsy.
Love is not perfect.
I should've realized it.
Nothing can help me until I see that nothing is right when you fall in love.
Like when you thought you can love someone and wait for something in return.
Not just wait but to see if love is truly real.
Not just protection but real affection.
Not just one-sided.
It's hurting to learn it's only me who keeps acting I am not okay.
But when I fall or fail,
And, I can't be the one who needs to only understand.
After be a failure.
Bearing the consequences alone at the end.
Love is never there at all, isn't?

Nothing really telling me how to live happily.
No one really asked me what do I want.
They keep hitting me to the ground.
This is never been a life.
It's just living.

If I finally survive after the eclipse,
I wish I have my freedom
only to be mine.
But those have lost long ago.
Taken away.
By kindness hands the world given.
Time as the judge, cruel to me.
I have no one to put blame.
Because there is no one.
Nobody but the woman in the mirror.

I hate her so much.
I hate for deal with the demon.
The show is already over.
They closed the curtains and my ticket just wasted.

Begin a new life, every day, I tell myself.
Let's begin a new page, I tell myself.
Let's be a new person, I tell myself.
But seems the future yet uncertain, it has been ended.
Before I knew
Before I breathe for one more time.

Again, I will never get what I want.