Reserve

As I sat on the sofa, I leaned against an invisible shoulder.  I walked quickly right toward him. He also came toward me, so quickly that we almost hit each other's heads. We both laughed. The obstacle was that I couldn’t see what was holding me back today. 'I shouldn’t have run toward you. If I had been a little faster, we could have ended up hitting each other,' he said. I didn’t say anything. I thought the funnier this meeting began, the better it would be. Yet, typical him, he just a mind-reader. I only smiled and replied, "Let's just go walk, now." yet I remained frozen in space and time, just me and emptiness. We're walking to the city park and just went around, nothing really far but our steps actually might count like a mile. Restless just with him. I simply sat in silence, lost in my thoughts. It's nothing like there's no other place we can be. It's just I found my complete and I don't need to find anywhere else. "If only our ...
Do you know why it's hard to say goodbye? Because we afraid if our memories might not be able to remember them, rightly. The fact is, goodbye means good. No matter how hard.
~Aurora Esterlia

Explain to Me

 I was with him all day and all he did was reply to the conversations I brought up. 

"This whole ball exhausted me." The Old Lady bragged about her own ball party tonight in the Ritz. I'm just here as a niece trying to give the best smile because it's her party.

And he always sits across from me. I sat there wanting to have it. I only wanted to try it once. Even though he can't be mine.

"I must go back to my room tonight." I say to everyone. They let me out of the party. I found myself continuing to walk up the circular staircase leading to the Ritz lobby.

Someone held my hand from behind. My gloved hands. Even though I only see his big hand that is grabbing mine, if only I take off my gloves when He could hold my hand.

"What must I do if I can't be with you?" His whisper made me want to turn around, but I couldn't. My feet kept stepping down the stairs, carrying me away. 

Then He held my hand.

"What are you doing?" I wanted to let go of my hand but he held on to it.

"I can not tell what you're feeling or thinking…can I?"

"Stop it."

"No... I can't."

"Why?"

Because I can't say true love. That love is long gone. Lost since the One I love was broken.

I think he saw my gaze right now. Then he whispered to me.

"What would you do?" He asked. 

I don't want to hear those words from him. 

Everything is like a magnet. I can't refuse because that's what I want all day. 

I want to be with him. Even if only once.

"This is what you want," He lead me. No one sees us.

No one knows.

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