Do you know why it's hard to say goodbye? Because we afraid if our memories might not be able to remember them, rightly. The fact is, goodbye means good. No matter how hard.
~Aurora Esterlia

In Bed

I was driving with all my friends.
Basically its just very random friends I hang with.
Me, Joy, and couple Mann and Drew. Mann brought this friend, his name is Abbott. Abbott brought his cousin, I didn't think that's his cousin, because their relationship was kind of... I don't know. Maybe that's his cousin. Her name is ... well I don't know.

We arrived at the cottage. The cottage on the forest, greens and woody. There's something mysterious about Abbott which I don't care. I only care about he was there because he's cute and attractive. I should really afraid because I could fall in love with him.
So, his cousin was totally complicated. She's very intimate with Abbott. I think she's his girlfriend. And I'm okay with that. Mann and Abbott were cooling out of cottage. Like, being attractive in bromance ways. Me and Joy laughed about it because they both handsome. Drew was preparing everything inside the cottage. She's really cool about it. She knew her man was so attractive and she let her friends adore him. Me? Yes. I never liked Magic Mike movie, never watch both movies. Its too much expose myself if I watch it and even I'm sure I will like it.
But, nothing like Abbott and his cousin. Its something like I couldn't stop take my eyes off from them both. She was there between Mann and Abbott. In my head was like, 'are they sure not couple?" and, suddenly, his cousin who's standing next to Abbott staring at me and pointing her finger on me. Abbott looking at me and I was smiling. Not because he's looking at me but because I enjoyed that couple view. I was still smiling. They both came to me and Joy. Later, Abbott introduced his cousin, and okay, let's call her Minnie.
Minnie is like Joy. They chatted pretty intense while I relaxed around them. I didn't say anything because I really loved the air and nature. We're camping out of the woods. I saw Mann and Drew together. Abbott was sitting right next to me and he kept talking.
He smiled and talk many stuffs. I listened. Which really cool. He open up about everything. That I couldn't remember anything besides he has this natural gothic eyes, I'm pretty sure he suppose to be a very serious man. Maybe he came and joined us because he needs a place that so strange yet still cool, and nobody knows him, and he can be whoever he want to be. Maybe its just his version in temporary.
I knew. I was just like him.
In my head, I was thinking about my ex. Is Abbott like him and so on. Of course, I came here to forget about him. Its just always there whenever I had moment with new guy, his shadow always there.
Abbott talking and laughing with his serious eyes, which made me smile because he's totally handsome and he's very new in my memories about boys I've met. I mean I used to always care what man says because sometimes I need to know what he's talking about, I care about the issue, or I just realize I pity him. But, now, I didn't. In fact, I just kept wondering why this gorgeous man keeps talking to me. I was like, "Really?", "Yes, Sure!", "What?", you know stuffs like never interrupt but showing excitement. I like the way he talks.
Right now, oh God, it was like the date on afternoon. But he's with his cousin, Minnie, so no further or whatsoever. I just listened that's all. I like the way I keep myself enjoy great view with no feelings of favours include. Tho, he's very cute. Totally my type. Yet, I know he's not available. I like that, too.
We're so chilling and we're done, I guess. We went inside the cottage. Now, this was totally different. We decided to do a sleep-over style. What's that? We put all the beds in one room and we're going to sleep together. We chose the big bed room with one wall is all windows. We're looking at dark night on forest and bright evening sky. I'm pretty sure it was bright night because we turned off the room's light.
I'm not sure how we arrange where to sleep and which person who's sleeping left and right of each us. But I was on third from the left and he's second to the right from me. I was not worry at all because I got the best spot to sleep. So, he was sleeping really on the edge of the right. Then there were Minnie on his left side, Joy, and me.
I couldn't sleep. My head lie on pillow but my eyes keep staring at the windows. I smiled. I didn't know why. Staring the window, maybe I've spent more than half hours until I giggled myself. I remembered all good things that happened today. It was nice.
Then, I believed I was looking on people besides me, Joy and Drew. They're not awoken. Great to know. I giggled again until I realized something on my right side was moving. I looked at Joy but she's not awake. I was sure its moving. So I got up and found everyone's closing their eyes. Even Abbott.
His sleep face was smiling. Dear, he's so adorable. Then, I looked at Minnie. Yes, she's also gorgeous. I better got up and out from the room. Slowly and silent. I closed the door. It was the worst decision ever. Its very cold on living room. I searched the other room. No beds. I sighed. So, I decided to back on the room.
I closed the door slowly and silent. I walked as I let my hand touching cold windows. It was very beautiful night. I looked for a while at outside then turned around, back to my spot. And, my spot was gone. Its Joy. Next to her was Minnie. And next to Minnie, Abbott was there, backing from Minnie. Stayed on his spot. Edge of the side. Minnie's place was empty.
So, I went to see his face side and he's sleeping. I just stare at him. I couldn't do anything anyway. Later, I found a change look on his face.

He wasn't sleeping. He opened his eyes and knew I was there. He rolled his body and got closer to Minnie. Minnie was still asleep. He back at me and showing his face to come off to bed. Next to his.
I couldn't. I'm pretty sure he has relationship with his cousin, Minnie. I just put my body on window to away from his side. But, he got up, sitting and his hand asked me to come to bed. 
It was nice gesture. So, I let myself reach that hand and lie on bed right next to him.

He just held my left hand since I'm on his right side. He held it and put it up on pillow, right in between our sight. We secretly smile to one another but we couldn't make any loud voices because everybody's sleeping.
But, its more fun. We have so much fun. The point I believe he never really into me made me even glad.  But he kept caring, just doing nothing. I didn't know what's exactly happening but he never touched me except our hands on pillow. I never asking why, anyway.
Abbott was sensing a movement from behind his back and a hand grabbed his waist. Minnie held him from back as she still asleep. That's what I'm talking about. He's already taken. 
I looked at him as he awared of it. But he never let go my hand. I never let go my hand. I want it. We both became freeze. We realized Minnie was awaken.
"Are you asleep, Abbott?" Minnie asked behind Abbott's back.
Abbott didn't say anything. I was so afraid, I decided to take my hand so I could get up and down from bed. Abbott looking at me and he's just keep holding my hand but slowly, he let me lead my body to down from bed but he kept holding my hand. 
I was on the floor now and my hand still held his hand. His head got up  from bed because he followed his arm movement. I think Minnie saw it and she asking again, now, her head picking at Abbott, "Are you awake, Abbott?" she asked.

At this time, I pull my hand and lie down on floor, silent and sound. I can feel the cold came through whole my back. 

"What is it, Abbott?" She asked, "Huh? Are you looking at something?"

That's all I could hear. I wish she didn't get up from bed and check under the bed. Breathing and breathing, later I heard their giggles. I believe I saw on below-side of window, a mirror movement above the bed. Abbott hugged her and tickled her. She loves him. I could see that. She has so much trust on him. I never see them kissing. Maybe it's all just in my imagination, how I wish they really meant to be together. Then, I could see him back from me, he entirely looking at where Minnie laying on bed. I sighed. I looked up to the ceiling. I let myself to calm down alone. 
Always feel better to be alone, now. It's not really sad. I'm not saying, "It's really better to lie down alone in bed", right? Because I'm now lie down on the floor.
I closed my eyes but I realized I was the one who acted so stupid. So I got up, sat on the floor as he also already awaken, still laying his body but, he lift his head by his arm on the pillow, like a model with jump pants and cheap shirt.
I let my chin on that edge of bed, he asked my hand again and smiled. So I held his hand.
I wish I could ask him about things but I never bother.

Because I don't know him. I just know his hand, his smell, his smile, his shadow, and his sweat...I think. I got sleepy so my eyes went close.
I got blurry thing, you know. When I thought everyone was not in a room just me and Abbott and we both in bed. Me with just my undershirts and he's like now. We're laughing and dancing up on bed, jump, then tired, then lying down on bed with sweats. But, the cold air easily dry our sweats.
I like his hair. His curly sweat hair. Black hair lie down on warm pillow. I didn't look anything except his hair. My hand messed it up. I was so calm with him. I couldn't stop to linger on him. It makes me sad whenever I look away and he's not there. But, he's there and now I'm fine.

I'm so glad I wasn't Minnie, his cousin.
I'm not even sure if Minnie was really his cousin real name.
I'm not even sure if his cousin was his cousin.

Then intense between them, the gorgeous couple, and the tempting strangers.
It's not mine.

By the end of our date in bed, I looked to him and there's my ex in my head. Back again, the parade, the drunk Victor, and how much I loved him. I hate him. I hate myself. Then, the mood swing was still in my head, not yet to burst. I looked at Abbott, he's still cuddled me.
But I didn't know what he wants.
I smiled to him and I got up. I got up on bed and walk to the window wall. I opened the window door and went out.

I never look back.

I'm awake, again. Abbott is still there right next to me on bed.


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