"I will not talk to you
during our journey." I said to myself.
I left the public toilet and
returned to the parking lot.
Friends are waiting on the
minibus.
He was there, I didn't know
what to see, I looked away at all.
I hate myself.
I sat in the third row near
the window. I open a little, the wind combs my hair bangs. More refreshing.
But sometimes I want to see
his face again. I don't know what I'm thinking, I don't want to show suspicious
movements.
The trip was quite short, we
finally arrived at the housing estate.
It was late afternoon, I was
quite tired. We got out of the car with luggage.
I do not stand with anyone.
And He is with the others.
I always feel too modest. I
glanced at it from afar. How handsome.
The second day,
I walked around the
neighborhood.
There are lakes and puddles.
What am I thinking?
The morning sun is so
beautiful around the lake and how the flowers blossom. Many flowers fall into
the water.
I chose to go into the
water. It feels so fresh on the skin and how the sun illuminates giving water
not so cold it actually warms up and makes the water shiny.
Let me alone.
Leave me alone forever like
this.
I will not think of
anything.
I'm ready to die.
My mind seemed to be free
from everything. With nature.
Leave me alone, leave me
alone. Let ...
The sound of bicycle pedals
and laughter could be heard from a distance.
I'm already in the middle of
the lake. I do not swim, the water around me becomes calm. I blend with water.
Then the closer, that voice,
I saw that he was with someone riding a bicycle together. Over the lake.
I should have pulled over.
They stopped at the end of
the road.
They seemed to look at me.
And, finally I gave up and
was seen.
There was nothing I could
do, I just returned to the lake and enjoyed the sun bathing in the middle.
Surrounded by flowers are
falling. Bright colors.
I don't know how long I have
been playing in the puddle, but finally I went home too.
Although the limp hair is
wet but it gets drier because it goes in the sun.
Then, when I arrived at the
housing estate, he was already on the veranda of the second floor.
His hands were on the
veranda with the blue jacket he was wearing.
I'm just focusing on the
jacket, I don't need to see his face.
I'm afraid of being
embarrassed.
It seems like he smiled.
I just gave a wave of a hand
and smiled, then entered the house.
The house is big enough, I
have no desire to meet at home.
Time passed quickly, we ate
at a nearby cafe.
It seems like we enjoy
talking with the locals. Especially men who like to seduce beautiful local
women.
I drink warm but there is
foam.
But, being so close to this
beautiful local woman, I can find out the size of her clothes, her grooming,
and her style that makes men like her.
I did not see this beautiful
local woman with any thoughts other than me being attracted to her too.
Our journey after this is
quite far.
We will complete this trip.
I was back in the mini bus,
the same seat, the same window.
But, because it's so tired I
only light sleep.
I heard how friends talked
and joked.
Makes me smile even though
my eyes are closed.
What should I do besides
sleeping?
I was just truly impressed
with myself.
Is this really the vacation
I really wanted?
May be.
We have to stop at the bus
terminal.
Some of them returned to the
city.
I got out of the minibus and
hoped to divert my mind.
Then, my male friend joked.
He knew I wanted to talk at
the cafe earlier but it seemed like everyone was just focusing on the beauty of
the local woman.
I became amused by myself.
He talked a lot of things.
And, I miss him laughing
freely in front of me like this.
What I could give him was not
comparable to what he expected of the woman he dreamed of.
I just want him to get what
he wants all this time.
I want him to be truly
happy.
Let me continue to see his
smile, though the longer, the further away.
Then he hugged me.
So warm is this friendship.
If only, forever like this.
Inseparable.
Then, he called someone
behind me.
He was behind me from
earlier?
How could I really look like
a fool.
My friend made me say hello.
He is also one of the people
who will take the bus and we will part here.
The saddest thing that I
realized at the last moment.
I don't want to part with it
this quickly.
When I saw him carrying his
big backpack and started to ride the big black bus, my smile disappeared.
I do not know what to do, I
just turned to hide my sad face parted from him.
My male friend invited me to
talk again.
I don't know what I'm
thinking, I'm hiding or it's been discovered that my smile is gone.
We waited for the big bus to
leave, but we ourselves were not tired of talking and loud voices outside.
But finally my friends made
me return to them.
What do I think about
grieving for something that will never be here?
One of them gave an idea
after this we should go karaoke.
I totally agree.
Shouting everything in my
heart is what I like the most.
Clothes like kids going up
the mountain then going to town for karaoke might be very funny thing.
I in the end unconsciously
turned my gaze to the big bus again that wasn't yet running.
And my eyes immediately
directed to him who was inside.
This time, he looked at me
too.
Like yesterday, when he saw
me from the veranda of the house.
Like yesterday, I just waved
and smiled.
He did nothing.
As expected.
I might be a little
embarrassed but what should I do besides smile at him?
I turned my body, for the
last time.
When I want to approach
friends, someone from behind approaches and walks with me.
He got off the bus?
Why did he do it?
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