July Bones

 

**At School.** I have many friends. I feel like a follower, but that doesn’t mean I can't lead. If there’s a group project and no one is taking charge, I try to share my thoughts and speak up confidently. I know I can lead, but it’s not about wanting to lead; I just want to give attention and get the best grades. But even if I fail, I’m okay with that. I’m not the kind of student who always needs to get perfect results. Because, when I think about it, my intelligence isn't perfect either. No matter how hard I study, I often end up with bad grades. But that doesn’t make my friends distance themselves from me. I don’t know why, but I feel like I’m not as smart as most people, but they think I’m good enough to be part of their group. I don’t look tomboyish because I like cute accessories and jewelry. It’s just my nature that tries to protect the people I care about. I don’t really understand relationships, but I don’t expect anything in return. It’s like I want to have friends, bu...

I am celebrating my 777 Days together in love with KINGDOM.  I should thank to people I never met before but I get to know them through internet, since 2021, I guess. Since KINGDOM. It was amazing how it's really like a plant, it grows and keep growing, until it becomes a tree with a strong roots. The journey to really make my promise come true and became real just something like "SHOW AND PROVE". :'D I applied several times to get fancall with KINGDOM and I realized I had to step up from my hiding place and get some interactions with other kingmakers so I can get 'sponsored'. I am looking around through social media and made friends with many kingmakers and we made a group chat. The journey took me a year since HOK4:Dann. I started with 8 albums to 14 albums.  One of kingmaker friend said to me, "This time, pray harder." And, so on this HOK6:Mujin, I followed their ideas: apply in the middle of promotion fansign and pray harder. It means I couldn...

I am losing my lifetime, it feels like the sand hourglass.  Who can tell if I am the person I have been waiting for? I can never see the thing I am longing to. I know it's a delusion. I can hardly want to if it's not real.  The idea of it's not real but it's not a delusion, something beyond the images or dreams. We both have same path and it kills you the more you realized you've been with someone this whole time and can't even see it.  We have too much to sense and yet too difficult to touch.  I have no regrets, even if I see the ending, how I'm drowning to the sand in hourglass.  I have tasted the beauty of love. Nothing can hurt me, anymore, even if my heart is aching and still the body and flesh torture my soul until nothing left, I have kissed the love. It is my peaceful.

Everything in my view is dark and noisy. All I could hear was the sound of the pouring rain outside. I was asleep, I remembered, but I felt the noise all around me. I'm no longer in solitude because my thoughts are noisy and how I am coping the situation I imagine it like it's a house music on the dance floor. I felt the coldness of the room from air conditioner and the sound of music mixed with people's cheers. I still closed my eyes and when everything was dark then I felt the flickering-colored lights. The hyped of cheering on my ears so tempting that I want to open my eyes. And, I opened my eyes.  When I opened my eyes, I was on the edge of the dance floor. Everyone cheered on those on the dance floor. I know them. They on the dance floor. Those whom I always hope to continue to meet, strangers who feel so close and hold me so tightly, without stopping to guard my steps so I don't fall down. Those who fight very hard and break their bones to be able to continue to r...

She no longer in pain.