Reserve

As I sat on the sofa, I leaned against an invisible shoulder.  I walked quickly right toward him. He also came toward me, so quickly that we almost hit each other's heads. We both laughed. The obstacle was that I couldn’t see what was holding me back today. 'I shouldn’t have run toward you. If I had been a little faster, we could have ended up hitting each other,' he said. I didn’t say anything. I thought the funnier this meeting began, the better it would be. Yet, typical him, he just a mind-reader. I only smiled and replied, "Let's just go walk, now." yet I remained frozen in space and time, just me and emptiness. We're walking to the city park and just went around, nothing really far but our steps actually might count like a mile. Restless just with him. I simply sat in silence, lost in my thoughts. It's nothing like there's no other place we can be. It's just I found my complete and I don't need to find anywhere else. "If only our ...
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Do you know why it's hard to say goodbye? Because we afraid if our memories might not be able to remember them, rightly. The fact is, goodbye means good. No matter how hard.
~Aurora Esterlia

To be Unfaithful

Maybe I'm not the first choice or the one who had been expected. Maybe I'm not someone who is perfect for him. Maybe I'm just holding this during my journey with him. Until I walk alone, try on myself facing the truths , I was slapped with fond memories of his pieces and they were always there in every sheet of my life. I was slapped with how beautiful he had filled my life. At the end of my journey, I know I love him. I think it was a game, but it turned out I found a pillow and blanket  currently most comfort and what I needed.

Now, I would never be able to jump over the wall where I did not have any tools to break even destroy it. I just will always cooped up in a cage. Many things I've done to make myself enjoy life in a cage, but it turns out when I realized how bored now, I had forgotten how fun outside the cage. I thought I was late to realize that the world outside the cage, but it turned out they were friends outside the cage care of me, even though I was in the cage. So much fun. But they asked me to come out. I've said many times, the key to the gate not me. I need the key from the key holder to let me go of the cage.  but they laughed at me. But it's true. The key holder was him. He had forgotten me. There I will never come out from the cage. They say that first love will never die. Well, he prove it. I just hope if I have to be unfaithful, is to be with the right person. In fact, I've never found anyone as brave as him. Maybe I must wait until he want to put me out the cage.

What I've been through with you it always feel I bring all of this trip to the wrong direction, and saw my past that will never be liberated from me, and saw me next to you, I feel guilty. To be unfaithful is quite stressful and give adrenaline that can make me think to turn back from you. That love is suffering. And I've suffered enough with the memories that never stops. I watch and I'm afraid if I do whether this is true or not. And everything you do make me forget my fears and enjoy the beautiful life story of teenage love is new. But when I came back alone, I look into the mirror, and I know the fear is always there in front of me, he never stopped. He never let me out of the cage. Then existence today which I know is a good start for me to get a chance out of the cage. You gave me a smile that has been has not been stopped in my face. Once the sheets fragrant fresh air and a fresh new look, an expensive, ]never be replaced. Even, if I would never being released from the cages. I shall to return to the cage, and you will leave me alone.

Still, in the cage, alone, his cage, and you will be missed.


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