Reserve

As I sat on the sofa, I leaned against an invisible shoulder.  I walked quickly right toward him. He also came toward me, so quickly that we almost hit each other's heads. We both laughed. The obstacle was that I couldn’t see what was holding me back today. 'I shouldn’t have run toward you. If I had been a little faster, we could have ended up hitting each other,' he said. I didn’t say anything. I thought the funnier this meeting began, the better it would be. Yet, typical him, he just a mind-reader. I only smiled and replied, "Let's just go walk, now." yet I remained frozen in space and time, just me and emptiness. We're walking to the city park and just went around, nothing really far but our steps actually might count like a mile. Restless just with him. I simply sat in silence, lost in my thoughts. It's nothing like there's no other place we can be. It's just I found my complete and I don't need to find anywhere else. "If only our ...
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Do you know why it's hard to say goodbye? Because we afraid if our memories might not be able to remember them, rightly. The fact is, goodbye means good. No matter how hard.
~Aurora Esterlia

She was Hurt

An open letter for Her.

If you read this.

I hate it. I really care about you. You are the most beautiful and wonderful person I have ever met. I hurt you and I am really sorry. I didn't mean but the universe has settled our journey. 

If you read this.

The reason I didn't contact you ever because it is my mistaken. I can't keep promises. Jus like with other girls, I realized ... I put you as other girl. I feel bad. I kept lying and you kept forgiven me. Yet, we are not in real relationship. I hate myself to blame you pushing me into being someone not me at all. Or maybe you just want to let me be myself the one I had let it go long time as my circle wouldn't let me to be.

Again, it's hurting me either way.

If you read this.

Please, keep read this. I thought to keep up with you will make me happy. It is not going to happen because you are not the reason at all. Yet, that true reason never shows up. 

If you read this.

If I have been hurting you a lot. I am really sorry. I will take this to my grave. I am really ready. I didn't ask you to save me, did I? So, everything is going to be alright, now. 

If you read this.

I understand you have to leave me. You broke our promise. The worst. As a marriage, one had an affair, other would sit alone. You have been through alone. I don't need you anymore. But I put you on the worst place. 

If you read this.

I was a mess. You are not. I won't let you get a mess. I will help you keep clean. 

Like the one who meant to be deceitful. 
I get it now. 
That's my way.
All for you.

At the end, it's never for me.
It's not my place at all.
Not for me.

It's all lies. 
Remember me.

If you read this.

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