Do you know why it's hard to say goodbye? Because we afraid if our memories might not be able to remember them, rightly. The fact is, goodbye means good. No matter how hard.
~Aurora Esterlia

I'm Here

"Sam,  where have you been?" Asked Sadam, "Is this job makes you easy took off several times?" He was so mad and all I could do was just silent. "You can't talk? Speak!" He shouted. He was someone that never talk with me, why now?
"Sam, there's no such thing as it means I want you to quit,"Said Sadam after I decided to quit, "There must be one explanation why you want to quit. It's not because of me, right?" He took my hands and held them. "Don't quit." But, all I can do will just hurt him. I let off his hands and walked from him. I leave him behind me. Then, he shouted, "Do, whatever you want to do! I don't care about you anymore! Is it really necessary to not talk whenever people ask you? Sam!" I kept listen, but I still didn't want to turn around. Leaving him was the best.
"Do you think I didn't know you?" Asked Sam behind my front door, "Please, open the door." I cried so hard behind of this door. Who is he, why he was so caring me? It's hard to remember his face, "Will you open it, Sam?" I didn't remember him. Suddenly he stopped talk or even banging my door. I collapsed and passed out. That's why I couldn't hear all of them again.

The moment I woke up, I was not in my house, I was time-traveled into the emperor's year. The moment I woke up, people around me praised me because I was a royal princess. The moment I woke up, that person also there. His first time said, "Welcome back, my darling Sora." He was a prince. "Are you alright?" Asked him. He explained I've been slept for 5 years. They said I was on an accident. I didn't die, I just won't wake up, until now. That person different from the person I knew in the present, he looked sad, "Why did you wake up? I was supposed giving up on you." He said it, means like he didn't want me. He said, it's my second-time I've been waking up. 5 years ago, I was here, too. But, nothing I could remember. "At your first time awake, you've been sleeping for 3 years. You said you didn't remember anything. You said your name was not Sora, but Sam." I was really here. "You said there was never been Sora inside you, that I should let her go, which also means let you go. And, for a year we've been together, I did let you go. And you back to sleep. You just didn't die. So, I put you back to your bed. For 5 years then I decided to get marry someone else. And you, awake. What is it means, Sora?" He kept thinking Sora, who owns this body, was still here. "Is there such thing as soulmate? That I will never be with someone else except with you?" Asked him to me. "Do you really love me, Sora? Then, why you ask me to let you go?" I realized the way he put me back to bed for 5 years, means he never let her go. "It's still the same, the moment you awaking, you never go to sleep. And so, that's how I know, too, you will be gone, again." He really wants to let me go. Sometimes it's hurt how he kept thinking I was Sora, and for this time, I let myself being Sora. "Sora, do you really have to die? Why don't we get marry?" But I couldn't let him, because he will not get marry Sora, it will be me. "Our last moment was  at the garden. You said you start tired. You were hugging me from the back,..." then he stopped talking, "No, it's not you. It's Samara, who hugged me from the back. She said she believes in reincarnation. Because I was there in her present time, as someone else." He means Sadam. "Do you believe in reincarnation, Sora? If we couldn't be together, this time, then there must be a time where we will be together." He really loved her, and she seemed never return it back. "One day, if we meet again, I will fall in love with you, again. Even though you're someone else. Because that's how my love to you." He kissed my forehead. And, my last moment with him, was we're on the beach. I couldn't walk by myself so he lifted me up with his hands. Then, we were sitting on the sands. He started to cry, "It's still the same. You're gone in the daylight, falling a sleep as if you're just take a nap for a while." I laid down to his lift. "Who do you think I was in the present, that Sadam?" He asked. "Do I really love you? Or I was just never be with you?" He wondered.

"Your appearance just exactly the same," I cried, "You are really him. And he never let me alone. As you promised, he really cared. But, it was me who always made him upset and mad. That's how I couldn't make him smile. That's why I should quit my job. Because I love you so much and I thought he was not you...."
"Samara...?"
"...I wish I can remember you, while I was awake. But, there's this hole in my mind that I couldn't remember you in him.  For all great moments I've been spent with you. It's all useless, because I can't remember it all once I'll return to the present. I'm afraid, Seul."
"I know it's you, I know it's really you." Then, he kissed me. "Why don't you just tell me from the start?"
"I'm afraid... I don't think I can take it many more... forgetting things I've been loved... even though his presence always in front of me..."
"How about me, then? I should give up on you years ago... what should I do with this feeling, then?" He kissed me again, "I'm falling in love with someone else, and it's you..."
"...'Till my body is dust, 'till my soul is no more, I will love you...", I rubbed his face, erased his tears, "..forever and a day." Suddenly I couldn't feel my hand, all things shaken up, my sight got blurred, it was so fast, and I couldn't breathe, that seems an electric shocked all over my body, and I woke up from my dream.


I was on the hospital. There, I listened a song, my favorite song, "I Will Love You" from Fisher. That song might awaken me. I couldn't feel my body. I found a shadow sitting next to my bed. I tried to turn around my face, and I found someone held my hand.

"Sadam...?" I asked. He found me awake, "What's happening?"

"You passed out in front of your house, last night." He said.

"Last night?" It feels like I've been gone the whole years. I looked into his hand grabbed mine, "Why you hold my hand?" I asked.

"Oh, it's nothing." He then pulled his hand. "Are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm... you were once asked me the same thing, the same time...." It felt like déjà vu. "I can't feel anything. Seems like I've been hard drunk last night." I tried to sit on my bed, he helped me.

"You should not drink too much if you couldn't stand for it." He said. "Do you want something to drink?"

"A water, please." I asked. He went to the table and poured water to a glass. "About last night, I remember everything."

"Oh... really?" He came to me and gave me the glass. I drank it, "What things do you remember?"

"Ehm... well, I remember you yelled at me. About I'm quitting my job and," Something goosebumps me. I felt my lips, "Did you kiss me?"

"What? I did not!" He shocked. "I never..." He stopped, there. "I dreamed about you last night. The same dream I used to dream long ago. And, I kissed you..."

"Twice...?" I asked

"Twice." He answered.

I started to cry, "Seul?"

"Yes." He smiled and his hand erased my tears, "I'm here."

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