Do you know why it's hard to say goodbye? Because we afraid if our memories might not be able to remember them, rightly. The fact is, goodbye means good. No matter how hard.
~Aurora Esterlia

Terrible Sugar

The movie of Jim Walter and Brandon Lee became hits on box office for a month. And for that, of course Lexy being invited into the big party of the celebrating succesful of the movie. Lexy came with Keyes. Jim Walter broke up with Rayu Tian, again, knowing that Rayu found the movie about gays. Jim Walter alone that night and Brandon Lee with a random bond girl. It means pretty lady. Jim and Brandon found Lexy turns quiet thin. But, she’s really beautiful. Jim asked Keyes if he could borrow his date. So, Brandon and Keyes chatted.
“Are you two together?”
“No. I just be her escort.”
“Why you not together?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“She loves someone else?”
“You also can see it, right?”
“Is he different from both of us?”

So, that’s the moment when four of them sat together. Keyes and Brandon have the same odd dislike issues from Lexy’s. It’s the not appropriate conversation about her fan-girling. For some reasons, Lexy said so many gossips she heard of the superstar she just loved so much, that it could be not right at all. Or, grace too much for those superstars, that for sure it’s too much embarassing. That's the reason why Keyes mad at her on Venice and Brandon mad at her on Japan tour. But, what Jim did was he lied. He faked his responds. He kept hear those conversation and even, he asked some questions. Now, Lee and Keyes knew there’s something about Jim. They challenged him to tell the same conversation to Lexy of how he grace some famous women. Jim accepted and he told Lexy all about three pretty and gorgeous famous women that he adore so much until now. The end was Lee and Keyes joined the conversation. Lexy felt uncomfortable.

When the conversation is end, Lexy couldn’t stop staring at Jim. Jim asking why, and Lexy just answered, “How lucky those women to have such a sweet fan, also famous, like you.” Jim replied, “But, as fans, that’s how I just adore them.” Lexy then asked to finish the moment, “I don’t feel well.” Keyes awared. Both of them went off the party early. Jim worried. Brandon even asked, “They’re not together, right?” Jim didn’t answer that question. He just worried of Lexy.

In the morning, Jim came to Lexy’s hotel room and have the breakfast. Keyes was still asleep. They both enjoyed the morning coffee and tea. They chatted.
“What is it, Alexandra?”
“I have this feeling last night. How uncomfortable I was, after listening your thoughts of those pretty all celebrities. I envy them.”
“It means you jealous on them.”
“Oh. Maybe, I guess.”
“You are such a honest person I’ve ever met.”
“Do you feel the same when, you know, when everytime, me telling you about how much I adore other celebrity men than you?”
“Of course. It’s not just jealous. It makes me wants compete them all so I can be your number one celebrity.”
“But, you seemed not disturbing.”
“That’s because I love to see who you really are. Not pretending, just like an open book. I never be sad or disturb for anything you interest about. I want to hear all of your thoughts. That’s our relationship, right? Accepting, endure, but also honest.”
“Oh, Jim. Thank you.”
“So, are you jealous?”
Lexy laughed and both of them were happy. Lexy thought she could just stop pretending to be fan of Jim. She felt something. But, for Lexy, to be just friend with Jim Walter, that’s already the greatest thing she ever happened.

Lexy and Keyes went home early. For 4 months, Lexy and Jim never seeing to each other, because Jim got a job movie in India. After 4 months, Jim Walter returned to the state and brought so many souvenirs. Lexy was no longer on state. She’s gone. He just knew Lexy already quit from her job a month ago and went home to her father’s house, it was a little village, the seashore side. No ones told him, not even Ace.

Jim Walter watched the farewell party to Lexy from the kindergarten documentary footage. So many children cried. Jim Walter asked them the reason Lexy quit. They said, “I thought there’s something about she wants quit early.” Jim came to see Keyes. It was on bar and they chatted.
“It’s nothing, Jim. It’s just what she always want. Quit early.”
“Terrible lie.”
“And anyway, you know her better, not me.”
“Who take care of her for the last 4 months?”
“I did. So, you should know better, come see her.”
“Everyone seems hide something from me. If I ever find there’s the real you all hide from me, I will never forgive you.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I heard about her usual check-up on your clinic.”
“Who said that?”
“No one.”
Jim didn’t want to tell Keye that he heard that from Lexy and Keyes fought, long ago. Keyes then just ask him to see her. So, Jim came to the village. It was a great view. When, Jim arrived, Lexy was already on the terrace, waved to him. She looks quiet fat. Jim Walter then met her family, a father and two older sisters with their own family. They were welcome to Jim. Lexy seemed very active. She cook, prepare the warm water for Jim, and keep Jim in company. There’s nothing wrong with Lexy. They chatted on the afternoon, watch the twilight.
“Why should quit early, Alexandra?”
“I like it here.”
“You always quit early.”
“Maybe I’m not strong enough.”
“You’re smart, still young, and fun. Is there something?”
“Hmm. Thank you, Jim.”
“Well, come back to the stage play. You love that. You never told them that you quit. You’re just vanished.”
“I didn’t mean to bring things up. Make a scene.”
“So, you’re not quitting, aren’t you?”
“You’re such a good friend, Jim.”
“Alexandra, what’s going on?”
Suddenly, Lexy really cried. Jim came to her and comfort her.
“Maybe, I just lost the spirit.”
“Hey, don’t say that. You have a long lifetime. You used to be happy person, what is it? What makes you think you lost spirit?”
“I don’t know exactly what I really want. I feel so lonely.”
“Hey. I’m here for you. I’m here. You see, right?”
“It feels not real. Can I hug you?”
“Of course.”
Both of them were hugging. Jim Walter remembered what Brandon Lee ever said to him. The way of Lexy will draw herself away. This was it.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry to not always be there for you.”

On the evening, Lexy started to rest early. Jim talked with her father. They drank beers.
“Do you know, son? Beer is a terrible sugar.”
“Is it?”
“We’re quiet worry when she came home and quit from anything.”
“She didn’t say anything?”
“It’s just quit early, she said.”
“Everyone said it, too.”
“So, it must be true.”
“You didn’t know anything?”
“She never told us. Lexy is the one quiet person from the family. Ever since her mother’s gone. Things went different.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Don’t be. It’s really long ago. Lexy was 7 years old. But, she the most tough kid. She cried because her mother never wake up again. But, the next day, she just sat next to her mother’s bed. She started telling what she wants to say that day to her mother. She kissed her mother before we closed the coffin like if it’s simply to show us, and me to should more tough then her.”
“She’s really good kid.”
“Yes. But, she always makes trouble since then.”
“Not that bad, but rebels? Yes.”
“Is she always alone?”
“Do you mean with boys?”
“Yes. Seeing anybody, recently?”
“Keyes is the only man we thought she’s going to marry.”
“Why it’s end?”
“We also thought that maybe the real reason why things happen, now. She must had broken heart.”
“But, I thought you like her.”
“We’re good friends.”
“She never cry in front of me. But, I saw her with you, this afternoon.”
“I guess she missed me.”
“She loves you, kid.”
“You didn’t see it?”
“She never, she always made herself as a fan. She always telling me about the different world of fan and celebrity.”
“I know you’re such a celebrity, an actor.”
“She never shows it.”
“Do you love her?”

In the morning, Jim Walter decided to ask Lexy come back to state. Her father and all her sisters urged her. Lexy seemed surprise. On the car, Jim Walter said, “You love work. You need work. Someone must tell you and force you, you lazy girl.” Lexy laughed because Jim said that.

Lexy loves stage play. All of her friends from the stage play made a surprise party. It was a great party. People asking her where have she gone. There so many opportunity and auditions that Lexy surely can take. Lexy glad she’s being welcomed. They were all happy that night. Lexy asked where she could stay for the night. Jim Walter said, “My parent’s house.”

Jim parents were shocked. He brought a girl to stay with them. Lexy mentioned herself as really just a good friend and nothing more further. Jim just laughed because he knew his parent won’t never buy such things. Lexy seems quiet nice good friend. She helped the cook, she cleaned the house, and never back home late. Jim stayed about two weeks, and Lexy knew that. Lexy got so many stage plays so she stayed in town. Jim was glad. But, when Lexy said she will get to live to another apartment, Jim forbid her. Jim parents also forbid her. Lexy was scared, actually.
“I will come back this end of month. We can talk about it later.”
“What is it, Jim?”
“Hey, we’re good friends, aren’t we? Last time I left you, you quit from anything. My parents will help you. They’re good to you, right?”
“Yes. They’re really nice. But,”
“There’s no exceptionals. It will be fine. You have new friends. They have new friends,now.”

Jim’s gone until end of the month. When he returned, things really changed. Better than he ever expected. It seems like his parents quiet more care to Lexy than their own son. His mother insisted Lexy to always take everything that she gives to her. Such as cake, biscuit, tea, herbal tea, or perfume. His mother also insisted Lexy to not work so hard and let maids do their jobs. His father has more chats with Lexy, like Jim seems not fun anymore. Jim loves that way, actually.

One day, Jim was going out. His mother called him and insisted him to pick up Lexy after the rehearsal. His mother said Lexy forgot her thing. Jim asked what thing, but his mother didn’t tell him. Jim came to the stage play, and it was Jane Austen play. Lexy wore the gown dress for night party scene. Jim didn’t show up, he just looked at Lexy from far until the rehearsal ends. When everybody’s gone, Jim came to Lexy. Lexy was surprised. They chatted.
“I know why you turn gain more weights.”
“Yes, it’s really great to have a body the same great body on that era. Why you here?”
“Pick you home.”
“What? You don’t be.”
“My mother said you forgot bring thing. What thing, she didn’t tell me and she insists me to pick you home.”
“Oh, I feel bad. Is she mad?”
“A little. What thing, actually?”
“Should I tell you?”
“I don’t know.”
“I guess it’s official. We’re brother and sister.”
“That is very funny, Alexandra. No, my mother is not your mother.”
“Alright, alright.”
“You know. On this Austen era. Man and woman, to get closer, they chatted, and dancing.”
“Let me be your partner.”

Then, they just dance. While they’re dancing, they chatted.
“You can tell any lies, Alexandra.”
“What lies?”
“I mean, we’re acting, now.”
“Oh, yes. Who am I on this act?”
“You’re falling in love with me from the first sight.”
“Is this our first met?”
“No. We’ve been seeing each other for several occassions.”
“Who are you?”
“A poor boy but disguised himself to be a rich man.”
“Is it Titanic, Jack and Rose story?”
“You could say that.”
“Well, it means our relationship can’t never be made it.”
“You will die.”
“Let’s say everyone will die in our story.”
“Very well. Are you disguise yourself so you can meet me?”
“Of course. You’re the most beautiful woman he ever seen in his life. He wants to be with you.”
“How their first met?”
“She’s with someone else.”
“His fiance.”
“Oh, yes.”
“But, the woman didn’t love him. Or, maybe she used to love him.”
“Why she didn’t love her fiance anymore?”
“I don’t know. You can make your own story.”
“Well, I will say the woman has the secret.”
“Great plot.”
“Thank you.”
“So, she off the engagement?”
“Yes, I guess.”
“Is she happy?”
“She’s happy after you came.”
“How lucky I am.”
“But, we just met on the ship. And the ship sinked.”
“So, this is our last night dancing.”
“We didn’t know things will happen later.”
“You will die.”
“To save you.”
“I wish I’m death. With you.”
“So, you love me that much?”
“Well, I’m not Rose.”
“You are funny.”
“Even if I’m not die on that night. I will die several years later.”
“You mean she’s not die old?”
“No, she’s too broken with losing you.”
“You shouldn’t say that.”
The dancing was over. They looked to each other.
“I won’t die because suicide, stupid!”
“AHA! I knew it!”
“You’re too dramatic, Jim.”
They both were laughing, and came to one another. Suddenly, Lexy lay down on the stage floor. She closed her eyes. She smiled. Jim saw Lexy while he stood above her. Jim knew how he felt. He slowly, secretly, get down to Lexy. He wants to kiss her. It almost near, and suddenly Lexy, still closing her eyes, said something.
“I’ll just die by cancer.”


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