Do you know why it's hard to say goodbye? Because we afraid if our memories might not be able to remember them, rightly. The fact is, goodbye means good. No matter how hard.
~Aurora Esterlia

The Scientist: "Tell You I Set You Apart"

             “I can’t help myself to cry, to feel the pain, to see the broken heart, and make the enemy on suffer.” I walked to the front barricade. People were ready to fight. I whispered to myself. “I make this thing up. I should’ve laugh. We should’ve eat, drink, and dance. No more fighting.” I arrived at the front line. He was there.
             “It’s alright. Take my hand.” He gave me his hand. “We can run away back to home.” I held his hand, “If that is what you want.” He squeezed my hand so tight. He looked at me then he look away to the front. He never loves me. He wants to be here.
             “I can wait.” I said. His face looked through all things in front us, I know he just wants at least, try. He didn’t look at me, at all. There, I kissed his cheek. “Don’t forget me.”
             “Yes.” He whispered. I wish he look at me, at least.
             The war is started as the horn being roared. People around me started scream and run to the battlefield. My nerve was just like ‘I’m going to die. He’s going to die.’ I hate it. But, nobody turn away back, they never scared, at all. In my head, it’s always about what if? What if I never fall in love with the man? I could just get another man and never be in here.
             “I should let go your hand!” We both started running. His right hand grabbed the great sword. I believe it was sharp. The sun shone upon it and so silver. “Please! Let go of my hand!” I screamed. He kept running. Should I let go my hand, first?
             All I want to see on the last time of his life is supposed to be his smile, not his back. His shoulder is so firm and his muscles are strong. But, the most thing I shall remember is his face. I don’t want him to be gone, so soon. He’s so young. I also never want to let go of my hand, first.
             The only thing I always fond about him is how he used to follow me from back. “Excuse, me,” his first voice and I already fond of him. The moment I turned around, for the first time, there his face and smile. I always thought he must love me that very much. But, what is with this war?
             I never want to be like all women who send their men to the battlefield, then cry after found their men died. They wished to dead instead, that they won’t fall in love, again. They’re coward. I’m not. I want to stand right next to my man. And, if he die, I want to be by his side. I never stop to think about it. To never let my love die alone.
             It just, finding to see the real face of death of your love, the right moment, you wish you never know. I run with his hand still grab mine. This silly war and the rain of blood. Further steps, he will kill somebody. Or, he will be killed. I prepared with my own weapons and guarding skills of myself. He told me, if I want to be on battlefield. “You are all alone.” There, he said to me. The moment I realized he never ever has the same thought with me about never let love die alone, I just less love him, that’s all.
             He, let go my hand. It must be the hard thing to do. And, he didn’t turn around. He killed first man in front of him. It was so shocking. I was hard to see those silent seconds that man just stop to breathe. I swallowed my scream. Then, he ran to the other side, fight with other one. He left that dying body, who the eyes stared at me, stood not far in front of him, and the body was fell.
             “What should I do?” All of those lessons just puffed. It was gone. I’m speechless like I can’t remember my line. I asked him, before, to cut my hair, my very long hair, just like any women, he said it will be hard to grow them back long, again. I just assure him, “It doesn’t matter if you die.” Then, he cut my hair. Suddenly, there’s an enemy ran to his back, across of my face. That trigger, that feeling, those goose bumps, it just suddenly appeared. I put out my little sword from the shield, and came to that man back. I stabbed that back. That man was screaming. I didn’t waste any seconds, I pulled back my sword from it and that man turned around. I back stabbed the sword to him. There again, the man became no more.
             That body fell to the ground and I looked at my love. He stared at me, just seconds, then he came to another person who try to kill us. It feels like I’m not here, anymore. I becomes someone else. Something forced me to kill, like it was the real definition of defense yourself.
             I’m scared, but the thing is it seems the right thing to do. If not, I might lose him. I love him. I guess, that’s enough to kill many enemy people. Human. Souls. Father, brother, or sons. Just like the man that I love. Later, it’s getting hard to tell, if it’s really love.
             There were so many men and I was so little. Just, this moment, we’re being separated. I couldn’t see which one is him. I was frightened. But, those bad guys just came strike to me. Keep me busy. That, later, I forgot. I met more men to help me. Kind of teamwork. I survived. All alone.
             There, people of my side just died around me. I’m standing by myself. Am I selfish? I should’ve the one who should die. And, I remember him, we just being separated a while ago. I looked around. The last time I left him. Is he still there? Is he still alive? “Come back,” I started shaking, “Come back to me,” I whispered to myself. It’s getting fewer. I could see things clear. Come back, please, come back to me.
             Do we win or not, I want to win. Left all of things behind with, at least, the right result. And, if we lose, I guess, I just want to see him alive. There, I saw him. He’s hurt on his shoulder. It’s bleeding so much. He used his sword with his left hand. He still fought. I ran. “Rover!” I called him. He didn’t see me. He knew my voice, I could see he look around. I guess, I should take off my helmet. “Rover! I’m here!”
             “Abby!” He shouted on the air. “Where are you?”
            “Rover!” I shouted. Then, I saw his face. For, last time. Run. I need to put him on the save place, “Rover!” He kept busy with several attackers. When I arrived, I killed one of them.
             “Abby,” He called me from my back, as usual. I turned around, I poured a lot of tears, I gone crazy. I hugged him so tight. He did come back to me. I’m shaken.
             “I don’t want to be here! Let’s go! Let’s go home!” I asked him. “Let’s leave.”
             “We are losing,” He said. He looked around, I saw it.
             “Rover?” I asked his attention, “Rover?”
             “Abby, we’re losing.” He said.
             “No, we’re not,” I replied, “We’re not.”
             “There’s still people out there. I need to keep it save.”
             I’m in love with the great man. I just knew, at this time, I’m gonna really lose him. I want to stop him to do that. Just stop. “Please,” I whispered, “Come back to me.” I didn’t hear he reply. “Please, take me home.” I couldn’t catch the look into his eyes. I should’ve not let him go to war, at all. All women should never let the men go to war. He seemed already gone.
             “Abby, I need you to find the real save place.” He said. “I need you to run! I will run back at you.” His first time lie. “I always behind you.” He started to push me. Someone’s coming. The enemy. He killed, again. “Run, Abby! Go!” He shouted. He forced me and I ran. I saw the hill. I ran to the hill.
             I turned around. He never behind me. I hate it. “We’re not losing. We’re not losing. I whispered to myself. Everyone’s losing. That’s the real result. “Rover!” I shouted his name and ran back. I know what I really want. “Rover!”
             “Abby!” He shouted. He also ran to me. I will throw his sword away and drag him to the hill with me. It maybe because I asked him first, to let go of my hand. “Abby, why you come back?”
             “We’re not losing!” I shouted. I made him drop his sword. I held his right hand. “I want you to stop killing! Stop kill!”
             “Abby! I need you to go! Just go!” He mad.
             “I will not leave you die in here!” I screamed, “Please,” I begged, “Please, don’t make me do this.”
             “I must. This is war. Soldier will not surrender.” He said.
             “I know! I can’t lose you, too.” I said it. “But, for once, you should just do it. Surrender,” I cried, “if you knew we’re losing.” Come back, come back to me. “We don’t need win.”
             “Abby.” He hugged me. “Go.” He pushed me. That time, he looked at me, finally. I guess this is the break up. I’m gone mad.
             “You need win, right?” I looked through the whole field. I saw the enemy side. There, I could see they looked at us as ants. “All you need is just win, aren’t you?” I left him and ran to the enemy line. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong. I never be a man or be a soldier. But, every man is human. So as I. So as them. I kept run to their side. I knew he’s calling my name. But, all he needs is the win, not me.
             There I saw, the man with the great cap and shine iron suit, sat at the horse. He’s the leader. I heard his men shouted about me coming. I also heard they will shoot me. I don’t care. As he said, soldier will not surrender.
             “Abby!” The last time I heard his voice and I got shot. Something inside of me was bleeding. I’ve come so far and I thought I could just bring him home. But, it was me who might never come back home.
             Suddenly, I woke up and I’m not dead. I was inside the helicopter. There’s no way a helicopter saved my life. The country has no helicopter nor the modern technology. And, I saw the men, both of men. It might be a cross life. “Tom?” Tom was dead. He looked at me, I was laying on mattress. “Is that you?”
             “Abby, I’m here.” He came to me. He held my hand, as my skin could touch his. Tom is alive. It’s not real.
             “I want Rover,” I started to awake, “Rover!” I shouted.
             “I’m here.” I saw Rover standing right next to Tom. I try to reach him. Rover just keep standing. He looked away.
             “Rover, she’s asking for you.” Said Tom. Tom asked Rover to exchange place with him. Tom just suddenly back to his place, and Rover sat next to me.
             I right away hold his hand, “You’re alive.”
             “Yes,” He smiled, “I did as you told me, and we ran to the uphill. And, we’re waiting the soldiers to bring us home. I’m sorry, Abby. I was lost. If I just not losing my mind, and,”
             “This is not our war.” I told him. He silent for a while.
             “Yes, this is not our war.” He kissed my cheek, “Rest, Abby. We’re going home.”

             “Nothing will set us apart, anymore.” Even if Tom’s alive.


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