July Bones

"What does it mean when your love one is in the past?"

Mercy came with the box of chocolates and sitting next to me on sofa. He woke me up. "Wake up, love."  I am a light-sleeper, that makes me very easy to get up. He kissed me right away, in a cheek, "Bring you box of chocolates~" "Where have you been?",my eyes are blurred, "what time is it?" "3 AM."  "Did you just back home?" "I did," suddenly he hugging me, "Missed you." "Your body's cold." "It was really cold outside." "Take my blanket." I pulled the blanket on sofa and wrapped his back.  "It's not helping." He sniffed his face on my shoulder and it's tickling me.  "I was wondering why did you come home so late?" "I did not expect you on sofa when I came home." "I also did not think to wait for you home, tonight." "And so, this is what makes me really like you, love." "What?" "It's your nature to l...

The higher the water stagnates Nobody can survive My attempt to save myself Delayed to help others The longer I stay The valley is sinking Just watching from a distance Before the opportunity was lost And I go there There's nobody I just want to see I really hate it I can't  When He turned around As I wish Just a moment Let me visit for a moment Just once Then I will be gone  Everything just disappeared Like sweeping waves Footprints on the beach

Room is a place as a stage where I am coming to the area of cottage and there they are, scattered randomm of many.  I followed the steps of the path and somehow ended up inside the Room 534.  What is Room 534? A room that only belong to they belong to mine.  He is not Ben. He's there like a devil. The one who given wrong direction with simple tricks. I like him. The idea of him pretending to try get to know me. It's thrilling. Yet, I know he's a stranger. The stranger I never will to meet in real world. The one I would never encounter. He made me to fill I was going to come with him. I had no thought about it first, yet I never really take time to think about such thing.  He wondered if I can help him. The way he want to get help. Of course, it's the only think I can do. To help the way I can. Yet, it ended up as, "It's like the forest had me to enter. That's what feels like." I looked at him as he with his black hair a mess and simple shirt and jeans ...

I missed him so much, it's like I really want him so bad that he's the only reason I keep going to walkthrough this life. I want him so much, to just be with him, in love with him for the rest of my life.  I stood near the cliff, this sacred cliff with the sea wave so highly crashing them under. I felt at that moment if I fell, my life would end. And yet, it's just in my vision of the day, when actually I was swimming at public pool at hotel.  When I out went out from the pool, I just drying myself with towel and with friends around me, I saw him with his friends, across the pool. When I saw him again even from far, I almost broke tears. This time, he's really looking at me. No one else. When I saw him, I knew he's there for me and my heart was throbbing. I am dying with the thrill and goosebumps on my skin. I missed him so much and he was there, as he knew I love him so much.  I tried to hide, but it made me crying to look away from him. I was wet. I felt I look so...

I feel such a distant that it's giving me a point I meant for be alone . No matter how much I've tried, it will always be me and myself, together trying to be happy.  If the happiness I make myself can be a person, I wish I can marry him. It's sad that I don't know why do I have to be this sad? 

Kala is someone who we thought in love with Ilua. Yet, Kala is there for Gala. Gala and Kala never meant to be together. They just in a time they is now having, fighting every day to be each other's strength. Gala and Kala is like future and past. Gala with his great future and Kala with all shadows of her past. As much as Kala always gives all her heart and it brings Gala so much courage, Gala can't save Kala because she's in the past. The things of Kala already written and Gala can only watching her dying as her written. Kala should not fall in love to Gala, and Ilua was really seeing that she supposed to be his. And yet, Ilua has a secret. The secret dragging him far away from Kala.  Kala can't see that Ilua is leaving her, yet her letters to Ilua made Ilua seeing how much Kala loves him so, even though it's not like how Kala loves Gala.  Ilua is leaving Kala without notice.  Ilua is leaving Gala and broke his heart. Kala saw Gala was too broken. Kala hurt so bad...

In a dream, this world of Alice in Borderland. He scared while I am followed the path. Go to the way up. I have a thought that I am a good and bad liar. A good liar because I believe that all the lies I made are the truth. A bad liar because I made people just give in with the lies even though they've knew it already. I am really at my worst that I don't know what to do anything else except to become something I can't even recognize myself.  I just think I would do anything over something that doesn't give me any future. Because it's too hurt to not wreck myself? It's undoubtfully stupid and impulsive act. Which I like it but for my own good.  It's not for my own good, it's just for my mental state.  To make people believe I was insane... or sane, any choice to make? I just love to know. How to go the way up.  And when I am on up, I don't like it.  I just want to be with the simple minded but also respectful.  But in this kind of world, it's neve...

She keeps walking to the wrong path She blinds her heart She keeps making same mistakes She put everything in numb She never really listen She hurt herself And, she still tries And, that's good Because she is still fighting for that one Once upon a dream It was all once upon a dream for her Yet, it was so beautiful So beautiful that made her still breathing She thought if only she not remember it Then, she has nothing left I guess that's the right time she has to go The world deserves someone better than her That's what He told me Yet, she's still trying She said, "He is my first love. That I remember, that what makes me breathing." If only He isn't, I say, the better. Yet, she never can forget Him. And He keeps hurting her. And, she's still trying Why?  She said, "He is my first love. That, I still remember." But, He wants more And she really not meant for Him Yet, she's too dumb to realize She's a fool She's nothing She has no o...

He came back to my dream like this time feels like I am getting back into same movie and I play the same role. Is there any chance to feel deja vu in your own dream?  What I did not know, if I had been on this same dream before then we've met before in dream but we just have not knowing each other for longest time.  This dream felt the same but this dream was really like he tried to reach me. He tried to take care of me. Meanwhile, things were so dark and cloudy, in his dream, I had been pulled and pushed by my own memories and he tried to chase me, jump from dream to dream.  It feels really like that. I feel like be naked and he seen everything what's in my mind. Yet, he never stopped chasing me. From dream to dream. He tried not losing me in his dream. I tried to put all the things together and I can remember he's worried too. I couldn't tell what did he want on this time, same as the first time we met.  He just want to accompany me.  But, this time, he tried ...

Sometimes I can't go no longer It hurts me more I used to have this dream Yet, the dream walk away from me As I keep chasing it The chasing we through the storm Fall and rise, push and pull Now I lost to the void I know You didn't know I wonder if You think I became cruel tonight I shall bid You good night but I am not.  I don't know what I do, now. I can't see the world be so empty When there's You The dream I wanted long ago I see in You And somehow the happiness never meant for me But the pleasure I get To finally see You have the strength If it is requires me to not in the future Then let is shall be To be in the now and knowing You See love surrounded for You I have my pleasure. I shall bid You be happy, now I shall teach You go on without me As everyone does To finally leave me and let me enjoy myself Alone, yes As I meant to be The world for me Not for You For You, I will give the stars To light You way To the future I meant not to be there Now, am I mean to ...

It was simply a dinner together. I laughed a lot. When we were together on the table, we shared lots of things. I wish I didn't wake up. The more I spent my time,the more I learned of myself towards him. Because I knew it's just too lucky to be there with him, I made myself never doubted him. Always there to make him smile. Because I love him. My sister was there. She really enjoyed the moment but simply protected me. I don't know what's in my head but all men are the same. They're bad in their own ways but always have their own manners or rules to play the game. And, it seems he sort of that kind of man in my dream.  It's like he has this secret that horrifying and I saw it a bit in my dream. Like it was a hint of dark world yet he held it back it off because he didn't want to spoil my dream. Funny thing, the way I always tried to connect with him the same I did on my dream. I couldn't stop spoil him. He's just really understand how to interact with...

I just need one thing. Help me. But you're not.  Even if tears hurt me so much. Help me. You're not. I don't know how do I still love you. Help me. You're not. Maybe I don't really believe in. Help me. You're not.

The cold is my weakness. Even though I had sunbathing for a whole day but when the night comes, it's like my body couldn't take it . It hurts my head and my stomach. I feel like want to give up this fight. It's too hard for me. I tried to hold on everything but seems like I made people lots of worries.

 This is my first time to get really hurt all over my body. I think it's getting really hurt, this time.  It makes me want to write more. I am hiding from my pain, right now. I don't know when it comes back so I'm writing this, now.  It feels like I can't control my head. It's like my head knows it's really painful and it wants to sleep.  And, I almost fell in front of the house but I arrived safely, right on time. I couldn't hold the pain, I need to go to sleep, I closed my eyes and it stayed.  It hurts so bad, I cried. This is my first time I screamed and crying.  I couldn't help myself.  One thing I know, it feels like I am scared when the weather gets colder. I think I won't make it when the winter is coming. 

Part I. A Sword, A Rage, and A Rabbit. Sleepy and astonished, living alone behind a glass box bed. There used to be four guards and they had died and were left unawakened, until they were surrounded by all the blooming and dry roses of thorns. Four tokens with silver were placed to share the memories of one day when awakening came. The shadows under the eyes that were chained to open because it wasn't even a beautiful dream but all the darkness and pain inside crawling devoured all the memories and the determination to live life as profit. Even in sleep, tears keep falling and it makes the bed still sweaty. Knowing once the light comes to be seen again, another journey will begin. New hope and new promise. But the time to let it go is harder than talking because it's all in the head. Heads with memory cannot be erased, cannot be reset. A wish is not an option. It stays there and gets heartbroken. In a dream, the bitter becomes hatred and torment. Let the world burn in hell, and...

I colored it to make it feel alive and it looks like Cotton Candy!!! So cute.  Well here's the original one. 

She says it's something she has to throw away.  But she doesn't know what's behind her is in front.  People don't need her because she doesn't believe in herself.  Her existence never meant something good.  She says she is hurt to live her life, and she believes that every step she takes is not for good.  She says it's okay, it's okay.  If she does something for someone, at least she knows that the person who made her will know that she is worth being made.  She doesn't belong to her.  She says her life is never her own, and that's why it makes her break her own heart.  After all, she doesn't chase anything but herself.  Where she belongs and who she belongs to.  She says if she's not here, someone will take her place.  Even breathing is meaningless because the person who made her will replace her when she is no longer valuable.  But she says she should love herself.  She was already made like that.  She says tha...

생각하다 나 처음 같은 맘으로 보고 싶을 땐 막 가슴이 울려 그냥 너 이름을 불러 닿을 수 없는 저 별빛처럼 빛나고 있죠 생각하다 사람들이 왔다가 나간다 하지만 곁엔 네가 있을 거야 우리의 지난 편지처럼 행복한 우리의 미래 편지는 그렇게 될 것입니다 약속하다 여기 나는 다시 빈칸에 있다 예쁜 추억을 더 많이 만듭시다 동화 속 어디선가  기쁨이 넘쳐 흘러라